Monday, November 26, 2012
I often have dreams about being back home in Minnesota. I dream about teaching preschool again and working with everyone I used to know. I dream about all the places I used to go and things I used to do. In each dream it is as if I had left Nome to go home without finishing the year here. Every ending is the same in that I feel misplaced in Minnesota. I feel like I do not belong there and I regret coming home and leaving Nome. I obviously am in the right place here in Nome teaching Kindergarten with all these wonderful people. I love where I am every day even when it gets difficult and the kids are being mischievous. I definitely do not regret coming here and taking this opportunity for myself. The one thing that hurts most is being so far from Kevin. I can handle being away from my family because I get to talk to them often and I am still connected to them. Kevin is different, I cannot call him. I do not hear his voice here. I see him out of the corner of my eye and I imagine him here with me. He would have loved this place. He loved Grand Marais and being this close to the ocean feels very similar to that small great lakes town. I cannot visit him here. I cannot talk to him here. That is the hardest part of this adventure. I am so far away from him and I have never felt further. My heart is aching for him to be here in this new place with me.